When to confront in love

I just finished leading some folks through our new members seminar at our church. Two areas that are somewhat related which we cover in that teaching time are conflict resolution and church discipline. There are two ways we can handle sin in another believer's life. Sometime we can overlook another's sin. Love covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12, 19:11). Sometimes we choose to overlook it and pray that the Holy Spirit would convict a person of sin, but at other times the sin will bring serious reproach or damage on the body of Christ and we must confront it. How do we do that? Wayne Mack and David Swavely have some excellent counsel in their book Life in the Father's House. Here are some excerpts that would lead us down the right path when it we must confront:

"We should confront someone only when he or she acts in a way forbidden in Scripture. That means being careful not to confront another based on mere preference outside of Scripture (1 Cor. 4:6) or even a principle inferred from Scripture by “exegetical gymnastics” and wrongly elevated to a universal standard (cf. Romans 14:1-12). . . .The Scriptures speak to many issues clearly, and those explicit principles are a sufficient basis for reproof and correction (2 Tim. 3:16). In matters outside the clear teaching of Scripture, each person should be “fully convinced in his own mind” (Rom. 14:5) but should also be very careful not to judge his brother (Rom. 14:4, 10, 13).

If we took the time to confront every possible sin that other Christians commit we would probably have little time for anything else. Inconsiderate words and actions, selfish oversights, and prideful thoughts expressed in some way are rampant in any body of believers and in family relationships. Many of those offenses do not need to be discussed, but can be overlooked.

Growing in biblical love and humility will help you to cover more and more offenses (especially those committed against you), and growing in biblical wisdom can help you to decide what sins should not be overlooked because of their harmful consequences.

A question you should ask yourself is this: . . .would one or two more people of sound judgment consider this issue significant enough to go along with me? If not, then perhaps the problem should be overlooked at this time.

If you seriously question whether to confront someone or not, perhaps it would be better to be safe than sorry. Perhaps you should lovingly ask the person about the issue. But as we grow in our love and humility towards others in the body, we should increasingly learn to overlook a multitude of offenses recognizing that we must gratefully thank others for covering our sins as well."

When we do confront we must remember that it is always for the purpose of reconciliation and not restoration. We must follow the four G's that are laid out for us in Scripture: glorify God, get the log out of our own eye, go and show our brother his sin, and go and be reconciled.

Again, Mack and Swavely have some excellent counsel,
Love covers a multitude of sins, but sometimes sin throws the cover off. When the following conditions exist, it becomes unloving and wrong to ignore the problem: If the sin creates an unreconciled relationship between you and the offender, so that you think often about the sin and think badly of him, then confrontation is necessary for the sake of unity in the body (of Matt. 5:23,24; Phil. 2:1-4).

If you are not confident that the person is growing in the direction of Christlikeness by regularly confessing his sin and working to change, then confronting his sin may be the only way to expose his spiritual inertia and help him avoid God’s chastening (of Heb. 3:12-14; James 5:19,20; 2 Peter 1:5-10).

If you know that there will be consequences of this sin that will hurt others in the offender’s life, then for their sake you should make sure that he has recognized his wrong and repented from it (of Matt. 18:15-16; 1 Cor. 5:6-7; 12:26).

This wisdom applies not only to church life but even within the Christian home where many conflicts occur but where God's grace should reign supreme. Remember dealing with problems on a regular, daily basis is God's plan (Ephesians 4:26-27).